Every normal person can doubt himself from time to time. Even more than that: occasional thoughts that you have shortcomings and that you have achieved little in your life are a sign that you are growing and developing. True, when you delve into yourself too persistently and tend to blame your person in everything that happens around, your self-esteem is clearly not all right. How do you know if you have enough self-confidence? We encourage you to do so immediately!
Sign 1: You know how to communicate
It is easy for you to keep up a conversation with a person, even if you do not know him well. You respond kindly to the treatment of a stranger, and you have long conversations with good friends. Moreover, you know how to actively listen to the interlocutor: do not interrupt, do not “load” with your problems. You can have many friends or just one, depending on your personality type. However, no matter how many friends you have, they are willing to communicate with you.
Sign 2: You are in a predominantly good mood
A self-confident person will not hang on to problems and spoil his mood for the whole day because he was rude to him in the morning in transport. Yes, you have troubles (how could you not?), but you are convinced that everything that happens is for the best. Even from a problem, you know how to benefit and learn a lesson.
Sign 3: You are prone to self-irony
Only those who are aware of their shortcomings and accept them as part of themselves can laugh at their mistakes and oversights. You do not take criticism with hostility, it makes you think and, possibly, change. But it does not cause much damage to your attitude towards your own person.
Sign 4: You know how to give and receive compliments
If someone from those around you utters a laudatory ode in your honor, you thank him with a smile - and say something pleasant in response. Unlike notorious persons who are always embarrassed when compliments are given to them, you know how to accept them with dignity, because you are able to distinguish a sincere benevolent attitude from flattery. And you are also able to see and voice the merits of others: you are not gnawed by envy about the fact that a friend has longer legs than you, and a colleague has a higher salary. You know: and you have your undeniable merits.
Sign 5: You don't overdo the apology
Sign 6: You are not inclined to divide the world into black and white
Such maximalism is typical for teenagers and ... notorious personalities. You understand very well that the world is full of shades, and even an inveterate villain can have nice character traits. True, this does not prevent you from rebuffing such persons. You have the ability to view situations from different angles.
Sign 7: You know how to share
And not necessarily food or money, but also intangible things: mood, kindness, joy. Generosity is the quality of a self-sufficient person who knows that the world is abundant and the Universe is favorable to him.
" Lack of self-esteem
© H. Rudiger, S. Wittmann
What does "self-confidence" mean?
If you feel insecure in the company of other people, then you have probably already wondered about the reason for this insecurity. You probably also thought that you had this feeling for a long time. Perhaps you are one of those people who, even as a child, were more timid and shy than those around you. Perhaps you already noticed then that you admire self-confident children and adults and want to be just like them. That is, those who do not allow others to take away a tidbit from themselves, do not allow themselves to be intimidated, can say “no” without hesitation if they disagree with something. Why can't you decide? Only you yourself can answer this question. Perhaps you are less determined than others. Perhaps in childhood you experienced some kind of event, after which you had fears, and now they do not leave you. Maybe these are the consequences of many failures that you were forced to simply put up with. But since all this is already in the past, and now you can’t fix anything, you shouldn’t even think about it.
After such unfortunate situations, there is a feeling of insecurity that needs to be overcome once and for all. You can try to be successful yourself. In fact, whether you cope with this problem or not, depends only on you. If you succeed, then each time you will be able to say “yes” or “no” more and more boldly, depending on what you want. However, have patience. You need to change behavior. As a rule, this is not so easy, because a person gets used to certain ways of behaving, and it is not easy for him to start behaving differently. In order to change behavior, you will have to work hard on yourself, and, of course, it will take you some time.
How confident are you?
If you do decide to try to change your behavior, we recommend that you first assess how confident you are at the moment. To do this, we invite you to answer the test questions below.
Read the statements and decide how much you agree with them. Below is a scale with answers from 0 to 100. "0" means that you completely disagree with the above statement, "100" - that you can completely agree with it. Try not to think too long. Whenever possible, make decisions spontaneously and honestly with yourself. Cross out the number that corresponds to the degree of your agreement with this or that statement.
| disagree - fully agree | ||
| (1) | I am often afraid of doing something wrong | |
| (2) | It's hard for me to say no | 0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 |
| (3) | In most cases, I fail to insist on my demands. | 0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 |
| (4) | I don't know how to behave at a party where I don't know anyone. | 0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 |
| (5) | If I refuse someone's request or do not fulfill the requirements of others, then my conscience is tormented | 0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 |
| Sum of points |
Now add up all the scores. Now think about how many points you would like to achieve (but do not make too high demands on yourself: someone who answers the test questions honestly will never reach a score below 100 points). Later you will be able to check if you have already achieved your goal, or if you still need to work on yourself. Then you will see how much more confident and bold you have become. At the same time, you can be glad that by that time you have gained a lot of experience.
"Confidence" or "arrogance"?
We talk about self-confidence all the time. But what is it? Before we answer this question, we would like to draw your attention to a very important remark.
Behaving confidently does not mean behaving arrogantly.
Often they do not pay attention to it. If in some situation one person makes a legitimate demand and insists that it be met, then his behavior will be effective only when it really helps him achieve his goal. Namely: it will help to achieve the fulfillment of the requirement. That is, it is reasonable behavior in such a situation that will be correct.
If we are talking exclusively about an objective requirement, then, presenting it, one should behave accordingly.
What does it mean to "behave appropriately"?
In such a situation, one should not be aggressive. It is simply not appropriate and will not bring any benefit to the cause. Perhaps as a result of this, the other person will feel overwhelmed and will do whatever I require. But perhaps my aggressiveness will cause resistance on his part. And this, in turn, will reduce the likelihood that he will still fulfill my demand. In any case, by aggressive behavior, I will only spoil the relationship with this person.
But this in no way means that aggressive behavior should be fundamentally abandoned, not at all. Each person can behave as he considers right and appropriate in a given situation, provided that he respects the other person's right to physical and moral integrity. But at the same time, you should always predict the consequences of your actions. If, for example, a friend borrowed a book from me and, despite repeated reminders, still has not returned it, then I can reiterate my demand emphatically and clearly. I probably won't lend him anything again. I may also scold, insult or even threaten him. Perhaps, in this way, I will get the book back, but by doing so, I will ruin my relationship with him very much.
What is the difference between confident, insecure and aggressive behavior?
The ability to maintain satisfactory relationships with others depends primarily on how confidently, but not aggressively, we can formulate our rights and demands. You need to clearly distinguish between aggressive and confident behavior in order to always understand the consequences of your actions.
It is probably not so difficult to assess the degree of confidence of a person. A self-confident person can be distinguished from an insecure one by various signs: by posture and posture, manner of speaking, volume of voice, by whether he looks into the eyes of the interlocutor, by the unambiguity of statements, and much more. For example, if a person demands something from me and at the same time looks into my eyes, if he calmly, accurately and definitely tells me his desire, request and still stands or sits straight, then he gives the impression of a confident person. If he is afraid of eye contact, lowers his shoulders and pulls in his neck, and speaks so quietly and intricately that I can hardly understand what he actually wants, then he gives the impression of an insecure person. Sometimes for such an assessment it is enough to pay attention to how a person knocks on the door, how he enters the room or sits down on a chair.
Thus, by observing certain external signs of an action, one can assess whether it is aggressive, confident, or insecure. Such signs are voice, body language (that is, gestures and facial expressions), the form and content of what was said.
Self-confidence - how can you define it?
A person who behaves confidently speaks loudly enough, clearly and clearly. He unambiguously formulates his requirements and desires, accurately substantiates them, expresses his feelings and emotions and uses the word “I” for this. The body of his body is relaxed. Facial expressions and gestures confirm what he says.
Uncertainty Criteria
An insecure person, on the contrary, speaks quietly and hesitantly. His wording is imprecise and vague. He gives lengthy and redundant explanations. Instead of directly expressing his emotions and expressing his demands, he indirectly alludes to them and often uses impersonal sentences. He more often hides or doesn't speak out his own demands.
Insecure behavior also manifests itself in posture and posture. The person behaves unnaturally, avoids eye contact; gestures and facial expressions are practically absent.
What are the signs that a person is aggressive?
If in a certain situation a person reacts aggressively, then he usually shouts or raises his voice, or his voice becomes dangerously quiet. His words are both menacing and insulting. He does not give any explanation or justification for his demands and wishes, does not compromise and ignores the rights of another person. However, he does not control gestures. Such a person either does not establish eye contact at all, or, on the contrary, looks intently into the eyes of his interlocutor.
Consequences of these three behaviors
Of course, these behaviors have very different effects on the people one comes into contact with. Therefore, confident, insecure and aggressive behavior can be distinguished by the consequences that they entail. Thus, actions and statements can be evaluated using the following questions: “How will the other person feel now?”, “How will he behave in the future?”.
For example, if one person behaves insecurely, then the other will feel superior. He does not consider it necessary to fulfill the requirements that the interlocutor formulates hesitantly and inaccurately.
If one person, on the contrary, behaves arrogantly and aggressively, then the other will feel offended and offended. It is highly likely that the offended person will defend himself aggressively in the same way, that he will not do what is required of him just out of “stubbornness”. It may also happen that a person will silently listen, without resisting, but will experience internal antipathy towards an aggressive interlocutor.
If a person acts confidently, then it is highly likely that his requirements and wishes will be taken into account. Such a person shows that he is able to interact with the interlocutor on an equal footing.
The following table lists some of the listed signs of confident, insecure, and aggressive behavior. If you observe your friends, acquaintances or colleagues and at the same time determine which person behaves confidently, which is insecure and which is aggressive, then you will probably notice other signs that you can add to this list.
| Criteria for confident, insecure and aggressive behavior | Confident | uncertain | Aggressive |
| Voice | loud intelligible | quiet | tense, raised tone or quiet |
| clear | indecisive | concealing a threat, hissing | |
| Wording | unambiguous | unclear, indecisive | |
| Content | precise justification for expressing one's own needs | excessive explanations, silence of one's own needs | threatening, offensive, offensive |
| use of the word "I" | use of impersonal sentences | no explanation or justification | |
| feelings and emotions are expressed directly | feelings are expressed indirectly | disregard for the rights of others threats, insults, uncompromising |
|
| Gesticulation, facial expressions | emphasizing, lively, relaxed posture | practically absent or convulsive | uncontrollable, threatening, violent |
| eye contact | lack of eye contact | lack of eye contact or "staring" | |
| Influence | the interlocutor feels that he is recognized, feels equal | the interlocutor feels superior and/or feels sorry | the interlocutor feels intimidated or provoked |
Based on the book by H. Rudiger, S. Wittmann« social competence» . - Kharkov, 2005
The feeling of confidence in most people depends on the circumstances and scenarios. Perhaps that is why we so often think about how to gain stable and constant self-confidence. And we also live in a world where the motto “fake it until you become it” is popular. Therefore, how can one determine whether this or that person is really confident in himself or is it just his mask? Keep in mind, confidence is not swagger, bravado, or ostentatious bravery. Confidence has nothing to do with selfishness, narcissism and neglect of other people. Real confidence looks modest and low-key, it is a natural manifestation of ability, experience and self-respect. Do you want to identify truly confident people? They are united by the following nine features.
1. They adhere to their point of view, not because they consider it the only correct one, but because they have no fear of mistakes.
Self-confident and conceited people tend to stand their ground, completely ignoring other opinions and points of view. They think they are right and want to prove it to everyone. Their behavior is not a sign of confidence, rather, it is the behavior of an "intellectual bully". Truly confident people are not afraid to be wrong. Finding out the truth and objective facts is much more important for them than convincing everyone that they are right. And when they are wrong or wrong, it is not at all difficult for them to admit it.2. They listen much more actively than they speak themselves.
Boasting is a mask that hides insecurity, and such a behavior pattern is completely not inherent in self-confident people. They know their position, but they also want to hear yours. They ask open and direct questions, giving other people the freedom to express their point of view and asking for their opinion and possible advice. Confident people know that they have enough knowledge, but they are hungry to know more, and the only way to learn more is to listen more.3. They don't like to bask in the glory by bringing other people into the spotlight.
Most often, these are the people who do most of the work. It is they who cope with all the problems and unite disparate workers into a high-performance team. But they are not interested in fame and stormy applause, they know how to be content with just results, because they already know what they have achieved. They do not need value judgments from outside, because they know how to make correct value judgments within themselves. That is why they prefer to stay on the sidelines and celebrate their achievements by bringing others into the spotlight.4. They can easily and naturally ask for help.
People often think that asking for help is a clear sign of weakness, and that asking questions is a sign of a lack of knowledge, skills, or experience. Confident people have no problem admitting their own weaknesses. They ask for help not only because they desperately need it, but also because they understand that in this way they improve the other person's self-esteem. The simple phrase "Could you help me?" demonstrates great respect for the opinion and experience of the person to whom it is addressed. Otherwise, you wouldn't contact him.5. They always wonder "Who if not me?"
Many people think they have to wait: wait for a career advancement, wait for an offer from an employer, wait to be noticed. Confident people don't wait. They just start to make contacts and act, even if only in social networks. We all have friends and acquaintances who may know someone we need. Confident people know their worth, they know that if they want, they can find funding, set up production, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path, after all.6. They don't put other people down.
Note that people who like to gossip and discuss others behind their backs do so because subconsciously (or consciously) they want to find evidence through comparison that they are still better and higher. But confident people simply do not need all this.7. They are not afraid to look stupid ...
Truly confident people aren't afraid to get into situations where they don't look their best. And, oddly enough, people tend to respect them for it.8. …And they admit their mistakes.
Uncertainty breeds unnaturalness and pretense; trust breeds sincerity and honesty. This is why confident people always admit and voice their mistakes. They learn from their failures and mistakes, and they are not afraid if their failures become a lesson for others. Confident people are not afraid to be laughable. When you are completely confident in yourself, you will not be afraid to look “wrong” sometimes. If you are a sincere and unpretentious person, people are not laughing at you. They laugh with you.9. They only seek approval from people who are truly important to them.
Are you saying you have a huge following on Twitter? Five thousand Facebook friends? Cool. Professional and social network consisting of hundreds or even thousands? Wonderful. But all this pales in comparison to the trust and respect you deserve from the few people in your life who are truly important to you and whose opinion and support are priceless to you.Self-confidence is the quality of any person who wants to succeed in all areas of his life. The one who is self-confident is successful both in work, and in personal life, and in hobbies. Confident people are not hindered by constant fear: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “What will they think of me?”
How to gain self-confidence? Below we will offer some tips that will tell you how to become more confident in yourself. But first, get ready to understand your character, study and analyze your features. After all, self-doubt arises, among other things, due to the fact that a person does not realize or does not see his strengths.
What is important to know to become more confident
Most people feel insecure at some point. This is a completely normal reaction to an unfamiliar, unusual situation that you have never encountered before. People do not want to take a step into the unknown, they try to think through and foresee everything, and this is normal.
However, for some, this feeling becomes permanent, paralyzing activity. This needs to be worked on.
First of all, it is necessary to include rational thinking. Shyness and stiffness often have no reason, relying only on thoughts from the category of “what if ...”, “what will people say? ..” Do not think about what they will say about you. Use logic.
Decide on your core values and goals. A life guide will help you go your own way, without being distracted by unnecessary fears. When a person sees the perspective of the most important thing, the rest recedes into the background. He doesn’t think “what if I fail?” - He does everything to succeed.
Examine your life, think about what could lead to such a state. Consider a few situations that are scary. What do they have in common? What causes them to disbelieve in their own strength? Find the reason on which this self-doubt is based.
So, here are a few ways to boost your self-confidence.
Self-confidence and self-improvement
Where does self-doubt come from and what does it mean? In most cases, a person either does not see his positive qualities, or does not concentrate on them, concentrating on failures and shortcomings. But when he realizes that there is something to respect him for, his self-confidence will increase.
Take a blank slate and write down your strengths. Feel free to write whatever you can remember. Do you read English without a dictionary? Helping a neighbor carry a heavy bag? Are you good at cooking? Do you arrive on time for any meetings? Write down everything, no matter how small it may seem. Then hang the leaflet in a conspicuous place and review every morning. As soon as you find a new advantage, write it down to the rest.
Do the same work with the shortcomings, just write them out on another sheet. And in front of each, write down what you can do to eradicate.
In addition, keep an eye on how you feel and record moments of indecision. Know when you are in good shape and can act decisively, and at what moments you should not appoint important negotiations.
How to boost your self-confidence now
But what if self-doubt right now is an obstacle? Suppose you urgently need to make an important call, contact someone, and there is no time to work on yourself. To gather yourself and gain self-confidence in a short period, use these methods.
Raise your head and straighten your shoulders. Self-doubt manifests itself at the physical level - and at the same level it can be corrected. Pull your shoulder blades together as if you are squeezing something between them, lift your chin and straighten your back. If possible, do this in front of a mirror. You will see how the posture changes and what a confident person looks like.
Stand in front of a mirror and say, “I will. I can do everything. I have enough confidence to achieve my goal.” Repeat this several times until you feel that you believe what you are saying.
Breathe deeply. It calms and oxygenates the brain, helping it work. Self-confident people think rationally without giving in to emotions, so take this opportunity to get your mind in order.
Try aromatherapy. Carry an essential oil with you, such as lavender, which calms and puts thoughts in order, or citrus fruits, which are refreshing and invigorating. Also, in order to bring yourself into a balanced state, rosemary, sandalwood, and sage oils are excellent. Or try different ones and choose an individual one, the smell of which evokes pleasant associations and helps you get in the right mood.
An obvious but effective method is to watch a motivational video or listen to a peppy, dynamic track. They can be found, for example, in sports communities - people communicate there, by the nature of their activity, constantly overcoming self-doubt.
How to become self-confident: long-term methods
And what to do to make self-confidence fundamental? It will take a longer and regular set of actions. Here are some ideas.
Hang in your room a portrait of someone who is definitely not characterized by self-doubt. This may be an actor or TV presenter, a well-known public person, the hero of a book, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague. The main thing is a worthy role model that you want to strive for. And remember, even those who appear extremely confident have doubts and moments of weakness. The task is not to avoid such moments completely, but to learn how to cope with them.
Get a pet. It often helps to become big, strong, omnipotent and irreplaceable for someone. It is not necessary to start with a huge Rottweiler, which requires a special temperament from the owner - a small hamster or kitten is enough to start with. You will begin to watch how the pet grows, and along with it, self-confidence as an experienced and caring owner will begin to grow.
Keep a diary of your achievements. Each evening, write down three positive things that happened during the day. Have you decided on something that you have been putting off for a long time? Have you completed an important milestone? Fix it every night.
Those who use this method note the following advantages:
- clearly shows personal progress;
- motivates for new exploits - so that in the evening there is something to write down with a sense of satisfaction;
- disciplines. The knowledge that in the evening you need to report to someone - even in front of your own diary - keeps you in good shape;
- Regularly rereading your achievements lifts your mood and allows you to become self-confident.
Communicate more often. With close friends, co-workers or neighbors – engage in conversation, keep in touch. Be the first to speak and answer not in monosyllables, but in detail. Insecure people find it difficult to both speak and respond. But the more willingly they overcome shyness, the easier new attempts are given to them.
Reward yourself. Had a successful presentation at work or talked to your boss about a pay raise? Smiled at a person you like for a long time? Talked to a friend with whom you usually only say hello? These are already great achievements! They deserve to be noted. Buy yourself a small present or go to a cafe or cinema. You deserve it.
Learn and gain experience. This is not about refresher courses - although they are important. Learn from the people around you, adopt useful traits, draw conclusions from different life situations. Sometimes people make mistakes because they were faced with an unfamiliar situation and, out of surprise, they could not respond correctly. There is nothing wrong with using such mistakes as experience for the future.
Do what you fear. Skydiving with a fear of heights is too strong a remedy, such shock therapy is not suitable for anyone. But looking at the city at least from the sixth floor or taking a ride on a Ferris wheel is something that will help you become more confident. Gradually overcoming your fears strengthens both willpower and self-esteem.
Think about what you are afraid of and analyze: what exactly is frightening and unbearable? Are you afraid of losing ground under your feet, afraid of the unknown, or maybe you are too worried about the opinions of others? Regularly put yourself in such situations on the verge of the notorious comfort zone. Think of it as a kind of self-confidence simulator: at first it will seem difficult, but then it will grow and strengthen just like muscles in the gym.
Self-confidence training through positive thinking
Where can you get self-confidence from a complete pessimist? The one who constantly expects a dirty trick from life and sees the negative in everything? To feel self-confidence, you need to know that most problems are solvable, and in most cases you can always agree with others.
Find the source of your strength. It can be a place, a hobby, a pastime that will become an outlet, allowing you to escape from doubts and fears about the future. Any place where some strong and joyful event took place and where it is easy to return at any time, or at least a photograph of this place; an occupation that works well and behind which all troubles are forgotten - any outlet is good.
Do not think badly about yourself, and even more so do not say it out loud. Others read our self-perception, and as a result, they begin to relate accordingly. If you constantly tell them about their shortcomings and fears, they will strengthen the idea that they are communicating with a constrained and insecure person, and such a belief will be more difficult to break. And if you convince yourself of your own negative qualities, then self-doubt will only increase. Don't give her a chance.
Limit communication with pessimists, "energy vampires" who only talk about how bad things are. Perhaps they also experience self-doubt, or maybe in this way they want to improve their own well-being. Irrelevant. You need to develop your confidence, and not feed other people's complexes.
If you cannot avoid contact with someone who constantly complains - work together, live nearby - try to abstract: put on headphones, or if this is not allowed, imagine a protective barrier around you and imagine how the complaints collide with it and break without causing harm . The main thing is not to let yourself be drawn into this stream of pessimism.
Look for friendly support from a loved one. Relatives and friends see our positive qualities and will be able to draw our attention to them, even if we do not notice our advantages or do not consider them significant.
And keep the faith in yourself with loved ones. We know that the more we give, the more we receive. Not to mention the fact that native people invariably expect this and appreciate it.
How to be self-confident: various psychological tricks
Above we talked about rational methods that can be understood by the mind. And what do experts in psychological techniques offer? There are a few specific methods that still work.
Try to draw your fears. What color, shape, who or what do they look like? Look them in the eye, get to know them. They become less intimidating.
Create an anchor. Recall a situation from life, full of confidence and stability. Imagine yourself in this state, remembering every detail - those present, events, weather and lighting, sounds, smells ... And then, when a whole picture is formed, make some strong, confident gesture that will be an anchor to this state: a clenched fist , any movement that symbolizes success and victory, or a short and strong phrase - for example, "Just do it!".
And better - a gesture and a phrase at the same time. Perform this ritual as soon as you need it, and feed your anchor - add new energetic situations to the picture of success.
Create an image of your ideal self. When in doubt, imagine what that person would do. Would she have given up? You are not perfect, and you do not have to constantly act like this fictional character. But comparison with the standard will help to quickly realize that it is not objective reasons that interfere, but only internal doubts.
Model the situation that you are afraid of and bring it to the point of absurdity. You have to leave work early tomorrow, and you have to ask a colleague to switch shifts. You do not dare: you think that he will definitely refuse, and also complain to the manager. Now imagine what would happen if you did ask him? How will he act?
A colleague will certainly be indignant to the core. He will bring to work a huge evil Rottweiler who will fiercely protect his personal space. He will publish in newspapers and show the story on television. He will report to the police and demand a special forces unit... Imagine everything that your imagination can do until it becomes ridiculous: of course, such terrible consequences will not happen, in the worst case, a colleague will simply refuse.
Change old habits. Have you decided to become a different, self-confident person who has a different attitude to life? What else does this person do differently? Find one of your habits and change it. Of course, you should not change long-term useful skills, such as morning exercises. But try to do it to the music, or in another place in the apartment, or not in the morning, but in the evening. Or go to lunch in a new place, change your usual route, switch to an unfamiliar style of music.
Self-confidence and personal progress: killing two birds with one stone
Find a foreign partner to study a foreign language. Increasingly, they practice such a method of improving oral speech as communication with a native speaker. There are special forums where you can meet someone from another country and communicate via Skype. You will not only improve your spoken English (or any other language), but also understand how to become self-confident.
It may seem difficult to start - the tongue gets tangled, the simplest phrases fly out of the head, and a stranger looks into the webcam ... But this person, firstly, expects this and is ready for such a turn, and secondly, he himself is in a similar position. Your language is also foreign to him, which means that together you will understand each other's state, despite the language barrier.
Go in for sports. It will strengthen not only the muscles, but also willpower. Systematic overcoming of weakness and constant transition to a higher step in development is the most correct means. You will observe progress in the mirror, in well-being, in the feedback of others. Swimming, jogging, powerlifting or table tennis - choose something familiar or try something new. Start under the guidance of a trainer, he will tell you how to avoid mistakes and what program will be optimal.
Start a blog. Write down everything that comes to mind: the events of the past day, an opinion about a book or film, plans for the future. Post photos - of the cat, of the creative process, of the scenery on your way to work. Do not worry about the number of subscribers or their reaction. You are doing it for your own purposes, and if someone else likes it, fine, if not, it's okay. Just live your life and keep a record of it.
After a few weeks or months, it will be pleasant to return to memories, to some episodes of your pastime. In addition, after a while, progress will be noticeable. You will see that you have begun to write better, to express thoughts more clearly, to select materials more interesting. Look for articles on how to write well and do it like a pro.
Try your hand at creativity. There are many master classes on the Web - drawing, needlework, modeling, engraving, choose any suitable one - and go ahead! Few people succeed in their first attempt, but after all, there will be a second and a third after it. And the feeling of a finished thing, made with your own hands, cannot be compared with anything. Feeling like a creator of something new is exactly what you need to develop self-confidence.
Do not set goals from the very first attempts to produce a masterpiece - just enjoy the process and be aware of how something appears before your eyes that was not there before. And then, probably, these attempts will become a new successful hobby.
Get involved in charity work. The world is full of places whose inhabitants are much less fortunate. Children's shelters, nursing homes, overexposure for animals - help is always needed. You can provide financial support, you can contact volunteers and ask if they need help with a cause. You will make the world around you better, and this will definitely strengthen your self-confidence.
Self-doubt and its three indicators
How to recognize someone who is not too confident? The general appearance of the “gray mouse” is understandable: a hunted expression, clothes of gloomy tones ... But those who take care of their appearance are often given out by features that manifest themselves on the physical level:
- handwriting;
- gait;
- manner of speech.
When wondering how to be self-confident, pay attention to handwriting. Perhaps it is very small? Are the lines straight or do they slide down? Do not be afraid to take up more space - even on a piece of paper.
Work on your manner of speaking. It has been noticed that self-doubt manifests itself in the way a person speaks: too quickly - as if he is afraid that they can interrupt, and wants to speak out as soon as possible - and not loud enough so as not to attract too much attention. Sign up for acting classes or just read aloud, record and listen.
Speech is an extremely significant factor: express thoughts in such a way that the listener realizes that they have weight. Regularity, intonation, voice timbre, clear diction - having achieved this, people usually become much more confident in themselves.
Watch your walk. Some insecure people walk too fast, as if they want to quickly jump through a dangerous space. Don't fuss. Carry your person with dignity. Look ahead and to your sides, not at your shoes. And remember about posture.
Your body can become a tool for gaining confidence. Use it. Increase speed: Do household chores or work tasks as quickly as you can (but not fussily). This will benefit the cause and help you stay in good shape. Do not allow sluggish movements, postponing for later - do it quickly and clearly and move on!
Self-doubt as a hindrance to business
Do you want to grow professionally, but are afraid to show the world your work? Stories or drawings, a portfolio of an IT specialist or a photographer - in any business, beginners, and sometimes even experienced professionals, do not know how to develop self-confidence. Its lack often turns out to be a serious obstacle to growth. Here are some tips for gaining confidence as an employee.
Ask for criticism. Even if it turns out to be unpleasant, it's better than worrying about the unknown. You will know where to grow and what to look for. And if professionals give positive feedback, so much the better!
Many can be frightened by the very thought of being criticized. To prevent outsiders from exacerbating self-doubt, remember what criticism you should pay attention to:
- constructive - one that explains what exactly is wrong and what to pay attention to;
- professional - from someone who really understands the subject;
- expressed in a respectful way. Worthwhile advice is given by those who once started themselves and also went through self-doubt.
Find a mentor. Some professionals want to delegate some of their routine work to less experienced colleagues, and there are those who are willing to give advice to beginners. Communicate in thematic communities and forums - the more knowledge and life hacks, the higher your self-confidence!
Find someone you can teach yourself. The advice is the opposite of the previous one, but it works. In any business, there are those who are better, and those who are just starting. Perhaps someone else suffers more from self-doubt. You can help him - just find each other!
Don't be afraid to ask for advice. Some people are afraid to look stupid by asking others about things that for them are familiar and learned for a long time. But none of us is born an expert in one area or another, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn new things.
If you are hesitant to ask a question on a completely unknown topic, first study the material on the Internet, read a couple of articles and understand the basic concepts, and then ask about what remains unclear. Professionals respect those who strive to develop, and are willing to help if they see that a beginner sincerely wants to develop.
Go to interviews. It's not scary if you give yourself a mindset: I'm not here to get the job of my life, I'm here for other purposes. You will show your knowledge, practice your business communication, show yourself as a potential specialist, and maybe even find a new interesting position!
Develop. Get new knowledge and skills. Attend master classes, study video courses in your specialty and learn related topics, subscribe to blogs of professionals. Draw a diagram - what you already know and what you have yet to learn - and supplement it as you gain new knowledge. The surest way to drive away self-doubt is to know that it is unfounded. There will always be doubts, but let them not interfere, but push you to grow higher.
Study not only materials in the specialty. You will become a versatile specialist if you have an idea about related fields. In addition, even in "foreign" topics, you can find something that will help you look at your specialty from a different angle, draw analogies. Learn more about the world, and you yourself will understand that there are no reasons or grounds for uncertainty!
How to set goals to become self-confident
To gain self-confidence will help the achievement of any important goal. But how to put it correctly so that even stronger self-doubt does not arise? Often people go astray and remain dissatisfied with themselves because they decided to achieve the impossible or did not figure out what, why and in what volumes they need.
Set deadlines. They must be reasonable - for example, it is impossible to learn a foreign language from zero to an advanced level in two weeks or even two months. But to learn all the irregular verbs during this time is more than realistic. If in doubt, seek the answer from professionals.
Set the task as specifically as possible. How do you know that the goal has been achieved? In the case of irregular verbs, everything is easy - their number is known. In this case, the goal will look like "learn 150 verbs, their translations and declensions in a month." Everything is very clear and specific.
Make sure this task is relevant and important, and also - an important factor - that it will not cause harm. Another good example is training programs that are planned by day, in which the number of repetitions of the exercise increases every day, and at the end of the term the participant achieves impressive results. You can take such a program as an achievement of the goal: it's simple - everything has already been thought out and planned. But before embarking on such a program, you need to make sure that it will not harm your health.
Write a plan and get started, and when you reach it, feel free to write it down on your list. The realization that you know how to go to your goal and achieve success will definitely help you become more confident in yourself.
How to become a confident girl
For girls, the same methods apply as for boys. But there are some ways that help the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity to become self-confident.
Change the style. A new hairstyle, a different color of lipstick or shadows, a brighter and more open dress - all this makes you feel different, relaxed and free.
You should be comfortable with your new look, so don't make drastic changes - like cutting off your long hair - even if someone pushes you. But don't be afraid to try! Spin around in front of the mirror, try yourself in the guise of a popular actress or movie heroine, and then come up with something of your own. Your personality can sparkle with new colors - change more often, try new things, find your own unique style.
Use bright colors. Cheerful orange will fill you with energy, green will tell you about love of life, and every girl knows about the impact of red. You don't like any of the bright colors? Choose more sophisticated - turquoise, golden, coral. You don't have to throw away your favorite gray dress either, but liven it up with bright shoes, jewelry, or a neckerchief.
Do not choose cheap accessories. A handbag and shoes will add awareness to your weight if they are made of genuine leather. You will feel freer when you pay from a beautiful, sophisticated purse. And if finances don’t allow, just don’t forget to make sure that the accessories always look perfect, without spots and frayed edges. But still think about the contribution to becoming a confident girl. This will add success, and in the end it will cost more economically for the budget.
Make friends with cosmetics and perfumes. Use them to highlight your strengths and smooth out imperfections. It is not necessary to do a full make-up every morning, but a light daytime make-up and a good perfume trail are tools that eliminate unnecessary worries and help to be self-confident.
Do not compare yourself with the stars - singers, actresses, other public ladies. Remember that behind the picture in glossy magazines is the work of dozens of people: stylists, make-up artists, PR managers ... Photoshop masters, not least. Often a beautiful photograph is the merit of both the model and the retouching master, and the question “how to achieve such hair color, such smooth skin?” The correct answer is "using a photo editor".
People often look for someone they want to look up to, and if this helps them become better, this is only a plus. But do not despair if you cannot reach the level of famous people - remember how much is hidden behind the scenes.
Use the method from the old movie repeat in front of the mirror: "I am charming, attractive, self-confident." This mindset for success really works.
Don't pay too much attention to the opinions of others. Listen to those who you consider to be authorities who have achieved a lot, always show yourself as good as you can, but do not take every word said to heart, especially from strangers.
Sign up for dancing. Oriental or Irish, exquisite waltz or incendiary salsa - all without exception will improve your posture and figure, give you new skills and interesting acquaintances. Some dances - for example, tribal or flamenco - initially carry the philosophy of female independence and freedom, and besides, they do not need to look for a partner.
But consider the options for pair dances - do not be afraid to appear awkward in front of an experienced dancer: these people, in most cases, are happy to help beginners join their beloved world. You will forget about self-doubt!
Book a photo session with a good photographer. Look through several portfolios, find someone whose style you think is thoughtful and high quality. Chat with him before shooting - some photographers prefer to work with experienced and liberated models, but many are able and love to reveal different characters in their work. You will see yourself in the pictures through the eyes of a person with good artistic taste and understand that you can look interesting and attractive.
Smile more. This is the easiest answer to the question of how to become self-confident, the fastest - and one of the most effective. Show openness and interest to others, and it will definitely come back. Be who you want to be.
How to become a confident conversationalist
Have a topic of conversation ready. Avoid politics, religion and gossip about mutual acquaintances - there are many other topics besides this. It can be a book read the day before or a TV show watched, a funny incident from life, new technology. Your hobby can become a broad topic of conversation - of course, if the interlocutor is also interested in it.
Listen to others, not yourself. When a person is focused on not saying something wrong, they don't follow the thread of the conversation and fail to open up fully. Instead, focus on what the other person is saying. You will gain a reputation as an attentive, appreciative listener and will not focus on how not to make a mistake, wasting extra energy on it.
Ask open-ended questions - those that require a detailed answer, which cannot be answered with "yes" or "no". The interlocutor will say more, and you can ask about the details or remember something of your own. Show interest in his story and enjoy the conversation.
Be sincere. Those who are confident in themselves are confident in their thoughts and express them boldly. Such people are not afraid of misunderstanding and criticism, because they firmly stand their ground, and also because in the case of justified and constructive criticism, they lose nothing. At the same time, don't let anyone confuse you. You have already decided on your goals and priorities.
Have your principles that you never give up and be flexible about what is not essential. Self-confident people are not afraid to show themselves, so their words do not diverge from their thoughts and life position.
What you need to know to be confident
Doubt is normal. It is impossible to calculate absolutely all the consequences of your actions. Even in the usual affairs, not to mention new and ambitious ones, surprises happen, and therefore all doubts before starting a new business, meeting or conversation are justified and natural. The task is not to not experience anxiety, but to do your job in spite of them. In addition, most of them are far-fetched and not connected with reality.
The state of confidence is not always stable - it can depend on the environment, health, weather, and even time of day. In the morning we are in good shape and full of energy, by the evening we have less strength left. Confidence can also decrease due to a quarrel in the family or trouble at work. But this does not mean that you should be led by external factors. Self-confidence means being able to overcome your worries and move forward.
People are self-centered. They think first of all about their affairs and problems. They don't track your failures. Those who have had a chance to say a toast at the holiday will confirm this: having risen from their seats and looking around those present, you can see that half of them do not even look in the direction of the one who is so worried.
Someone pours wine, someone chooses a tastier piece, and someone put a stain on his shirt and is only busy with it. Life goes on as usual, despite all our worries. It would be a shame to worry about those who do not even realize it.
Nobody is perfect. You can't always do the absolute right thing. And others, too, so they do not have the moral right to evaluate and condemn anyone. You are not reduced to the sum of your mistakes and blunders. And when any troubles occur, they do not cross out our previous achievements. Just as they do not give other people the right to put themselves above the one who made a mistake, because tomorrow they may be in his place.
This does not mean that you should not strive for the best. Be as good as you can so that in any case you will be able to say: "I did everything that was in my power."
What not to do to be confident
And finally - some "bad advice". Let's go from the opposite: what is important to avoid in order to become self-confident?
Boost your confidence with alcohol. Yes, "drinking for courage" is a common solution to the problem. But we all know the consequences of this. And then, this is not a solution to the problem, but just doping, or crutches. Real confidence is developed from within, from the strength of the spirit, and does not come with chemicals.
Envy. Someone is more fortunate, and this person has more reasons to feel more confident. But don't compare yourself to him. You do not know the whole picture - maybe this person is hiding completely different problems. And then, thoughts like “of course, he feels good, he has ...” will not give anything, but will only absorb energy. You've probably heard this: it only makes sense to compare yourself with yourself.
Real self-confidence comes when the need to follow other people's success recedes.
Gain confidence at the expense of others. Some people follow other people's failures in order to gloatingly say “the same thing, but I would not allow this!” But this is not the path that will lead to success. It only fuels self-doubt. Why? Because those who follow others too much have neither the energy nor the desire to improve themselves. It seems to them that they are already good against someone else's background. Of course, this way of thinking has nothing to do with true self-confidence. Don't confuse self-confidence with self-confidence.
Trying to be better than what you really are. All attempts at boasting and inflated self-conceit are very clearly visible and, as a rule, do not add positive characteristics. You can always distinguish between someone who tries and really strives for the best, from someone who puts on gloss.
Look for the guilty. An authoritarian mother, a demanding father, an unbalanced first teacher - insecure people can name many reasons why it is difficult for them to show themselves. But all these reasons are in the past. Adults build their present and future with their own hands.
Those who are self-confident do not shift responsibility for their lives to someone else - they themselves can take responsibility for the weaker ones. Didn't your parents teach you how to make decisions? Learn for yourself. Don't know where to start? Try to start by becoming the master of your own destiny. You are able not only to temper your spirit, but also to become an example for someone.
Be afraid to make a mistake. Something didn't work? Get it another time. Have you been criticized? You, as an adult and self-confident person, will take this into account and do better. As you know, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. But you do: you grow above yourself, even if it seems that this is not so.
Go to an imaginary world. Above, we gave advice - imagine the ideal yourself, who always succeeds, who is confident in himself and always acts correctly. For some people, the warehouse of character has to fantasize, and pictures from an ideal world can significantly crowd out reality. Always remember that real life is here and now, even if it is not as good as we would like. If you catch yourself in colorful dreams, tell yourself: “in an ideal world it would be like this” - and live in the present.
Be overly critical. Do not forget to relax and praise yourself even for those achievements that you consider small. And if you have not shown yourself to the fullest as you thought it was necessary - well, but you are trying, fighting, and tomorrow a new day will come and bring a new chance to improve everything. You are already doing a lot as you walk this difficult path of building confidence in yourself. The main thing - do not go out of your way and do not give up!
You are standing on the seashore. A wave rises, followed by another higher, then even higher. And when the waves come down, they appear before you in the rays of the setting sun - self-confident people. See how they shine and shimmer under the sea drops, you can look at them endlessly!
About self-confident people
You are standing on the seashore. A wave rises, followed by another higher, then even higher. And when the waves descend, they appear before you in the rays of the setting sun - self-confident people. See how they shine and shimmer under the sea drops, you can look at them endlessly!
In fact, confident people are much less mythical and much more prosaic. than it might seem from the seashore. Moreover, at Self-confidence is a skill that absolutely anyone can acquire.. Let's see what myths surround self-confident people, and what is true.
Myth 1: Confident people succeed.
I don’t know about you, I associate confident people with successful businessmen from North Manhattan or with beautifulmen with irresistible looks who take whatever they want from life.
In reality, both successful businessmen and the first beauties face the same number of failures as all other people. Moreover, the higher a person rises, the more serious his failures.
However, what separates confident people from everyone else is that when they fail, they get up, dust themselves off, and move on. Insecure people after a serious failure, as a rule, stop and back away.
Confident people don't expect to get something right the first time. They are confident that they will overcome as many "first times" as necessary. And this has nothing to do with the appearance or the thickness of the wallet. Try it and you will be one step closer to self-confidence. Only then will you have to face the following myth...
Myth 2: Confident people are not afraid.
They are afraid, how. But they overcome their fears. What do you think is courage - the absence of fears or the ability to overcome them? In my opinion, fearless people do not exist. Fearlessness is a rare disorder characterized by destroyed amygdala in the brain. People who do not suffer from this disease are afraid.
If you look at the biography of many professional athletes, then their path to sports and medals began precisely with fear, which they just compensated for with sports. Confident people have a personal history of overcoming fears and befriending them.
Self-confident people know that the very presence of fear is not something shameful - fear is one of the basic feelings of a person, necessary for self-preservation at lower levels and for decision-making at higher ones.
However, insecure people are sure that fear is a shame. It's a shame to be afraid, especially to be afraid of little things. But no, be afraid not to be ashamed. But to be afraid to be afraid is a shame.
Myth 3: Confident people will give advice and teach you how to be confident.
Confident people don't give advice in the first place, instead they listen because they understand that they have two ears and one mouth on purpose. Second, they don't know anything about your life. And even if they know, they are sure that they do not know, because they are not you.
That's why The fundamental principle of psychology is not to tell a person what to do. And even if your psychologist, to whom you tell everything about yourself, does not tell you how to behave, then the person who knows your consciousness much more superficially will not tell you all the more.Those who teach you how to live are just not confident in themselves and seek to compensate for the uncertainty in their lives by experimenting with yours.
However, a confident person can do things better: show you how confident people make decisions and behave. Feel the difference? He will not teach you, you yourself will learn.
Myth 4: Confident people have always been that way.
Confident people are not born. But do you know how they are born? Insolent. Unfortunately, many people confuse self-confidence with arrogance. For some reason, it is believed that impudent people are self-confident, although in fact they compensate for their self-doubt in this way.However, impudence is one very limited pattern of behavior.
Self-confidence is a flexible skill that develops with different responses to different situations. Self-confidence is about risking stepping out of your comfort zone and experimenting with consequences.
People who develop experimentation in themselves more easily and quickly master the skill of self-confidence. They try new things, try themselves in different social situations, try themselves for strength.
Gaining self-confidence is more of a workout. Today you can jump in the length of your self-confidence by one and a half meters, and tomorrow - by training - already by 1.80, and the day after tomorrow by two.
Myth 5: Confident people exist.
The biggest myth Self-confident people do not exist.
There are people who have overcome their fears, gained experience and awareness, learned to hear themselves and adequately perceive the circumstances of their lives - in a certain area or several areas. However, as REM sang, "Life is big. It's bigger than you and bigger than me."
You can gain confidence in one area of your life and remain insecure in another. How do you like a person who feels confident at work, being a successful businessman, but does not know what to do with his family, how to behave with his wife and how to raise children? The example is absolutely real and far from isolated.
And you know what, it's completely normal. Becoming CONFIDENT in a new area of life is a new challenge. If you have mastered this skill in one area, it will become much easier for you in another.
Life is an ongoing learning process. Becoming more confident in areas of your life that are important to you is part of your studies. And this part is subject to everyone, regardless of age, gender or social status. One has only to want.published
